Stavros: Hello Allen. Glad you join us, welcome to my secret lair.
Allen: You mean my living room?
Stavros: Yes, the very last place you would expect to find my lair. Are you surprised find me here?
Allen: Not really you called and said you were coming over at 3.
Stavros: And here I am at 10 minutes to three, you would never have suspected and now the moment I have waited ten years for.
Allen: Lunch?
Stavros: No, revenge! A moment ten years in planning, seven of which was spent choosing the right outfit. My entire wardrobe has been
colour-coordinated and thematically styled for revenge.
Allen: Whats the style?
Stavros: Smart casual, the most difficult of all the casuals.
Allen: I like it you look very very smart.
Stavros: But also casual! Do you remember last week when you invited me over to watch a movie and you thought it would be humorous to
make me watch the video of your birth?
Allen: Yeah that was funny.
Stavros: It was awkward! But now in a delicous piece of irony, just as you made me witness your birth so shall I make you witness your death!They say life flashes before your eyes, well for you it will 100,000 flashes. Unbenowst to you, in conjunction with Miramax fillms and Lakeshore Entertainment I have written and produced a feature length film...of your death! A true story!
Allen: But I haven't died yet.
Stavros: Based on a true story. I have transformed this very room into a very special premiere event.
Allen: but your wearing...
Stavros: But also quite casual event....as you experience 132 minutes of pure agony viewing your own eventual demise....in dolby surround sound and....
Allen: Who directed the movie?
Stavros: Christopher Nolan
Allen: Wow.
Stavros: and all there is for you to do is suspend disbelief as you watch George Clooney playing you die on screen.
Allen: George Clooney! Christopher Nolan, I can't wait to see this.
Stavros: No...it's agony...for you to watch your own future death...
Allen: I'm glad you're showing me how I die, now I can make sure to avoid it in future.
Stavros: What...but....damn you Allen! You have foiled me again but with god as my witness I will make sure the rest of your life is nothing but pain and suffering.
Allen: Can I have some popcorn?
stavros: Yes.
CALLBACK
Host: Welcome back to the Oscars, finally the moment we've all been waiting for, Best Film. The nominees are....
Beautiful Kate....State of Play....Cold Souls....Avatar.....and The deliciously ironic death of Allen and I made him watch it too.
And the winner is The deliciously ironic death of Allen and I made him watch it too.
Stavros: This is such a surprise. We had no idea when we made this revenge flick about killing allen it would turn into the quirky rom-com hit of the season.
We were fortunate that the man who inspired the film Allen was able to see it film before he died, unfortunately he hasn't died.
I'd like to dedicate this film to a little quadraplegic boy who I send to Allens house strapped with dynamite unfortunately he moved far far to slow.
I'd also like to thank all the members of the academy who voted for our film...however by doing so you've ensured Allens legacy will live on forever....damn you!
And because of this I have developed the most deliciously ironic fate for you all which I shall share with you now...
Damn you Oscars music!
I hate you.
