The Nihilists (Ronnie Johns Half Hour)
(Three Nihilists dressed in black, standing around in locker room. Simon has just stepped out of the shower in a towel,Sigmund is closing locker door after just getting changed. Gretchen is tying up shoelaces on the bench)
Sigmund: You know its hard being depressed all the time, Knowing that your existence is meaningless.
Simon: And that destruction is inevitable is a tough burden to bear.
Sigmund: Being burdened with the job of informing the rest of the world of the truth of their existence can frankly be overwhelming
Gretchen: But now there’s new formula3rd degree shampoo
Simon: Other shampoo’s leave you with too much air in your hair, with bounce and life.
Sigmund: But 3rd-degree lifeless shampoo will leave your hair weak, rough and floppy. So it sits across your forehead and eyes and says “hey world I really have given up, and I’ve really let myself go.”
Gretchen: Many shampoos contain vitamins, jinko and jahoba. 3rd degree shampoo doesn’t…
Sigmund: That’s because it’s empty, like the void that is my life. (turning bottle upside down). That’s the secret to lifeless hair.
Simon: Also from the 3rd degree institute is new formula two 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner.
Gretchen: That’s a whole lot of nothing. (turning two empty bottles upside down)
Sigmund: 3rd degree lifeless Shampoo and new 2-in-1 lifeless shampoo and conditioner because your not worth it. And neither is life.
Sigmund: You know its hard being depressed all the time, Knowing that your existence is meaningless.
Simon: And that destruction is inevitable is a tough burden to bear.
Sigmund: Being burdened with the job of informing the rest of the world of the truth of their existence can frankly be overwhelming
Gretchen: But now there’s new formula3rd degree shampoo
Simon: Other shampoo’s leave you with too much air in your hair, with bounce and life.
Sigmund: But 3rd-degree lifeless shampoo will leave your hair weak, rough and floppy. So it sits across your forehead and eyes and says “hey world I really have given up, and I’ve really let myself go.”
Gretchen: Many shampoos contain vitamins, jinko and jahoba. 3rd degree shampoo doesn’t…
Sigmund: That’s because it’s empty, like the void that is my life. (turning bottle upside down). That’s the secret to lifeless hair.
Simon: Also from the 3rd degree institute is new formula two 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner.
Gretchen: That’s a whole lot of nothing. (turning two empty bottles upside down)
Sigmund: 3rd degree lifeless Shampoo and new 2-in-1 lifeless shampoo and conditioner because your not worth it. And neither is life.
Staying On Top (Ronnie Johns Half Hour)
Staying On Top
Location: OfficeCostume: Business Suits
(Boss sitting at desk with computer/files, there is from outside the door. Employee, dressed well, apparent that the work environment must be a financial high level profit office comes running into the bosses office fairly frantic)
Employee: (very shaken) Mr Cowley, you have to act fast! Just now…with the…
Boss: (standing up suddenly) Oh Give me strength man!
Employee: Ted from Sponsorship has turned cannibal…he’s starting to cook up…
Boss: Bronwyn? The rest of L-division?
Employee: Um…exactly (confused)
Boss: (sitting down) Hmm…well…(at computer, click) follow the market trend…realign our core capital…(side note, as if obvious) forward on their emails…we..will...be..on…top…
Employee: Right (a little confused, goes to leave then says off-hand) Oh and Ted said he can’t eat them yet because the kitchens out of plastic forks.
Boss: No forks! (melodrama) Oh the horror!
(written by AJ Tennant)
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