Kill the Messenger

An ancient Greek royal throne room. A king sits on his throne. A fanfare and a servant approaches the king on his throne

SERVANT My lord a messenger has arrived!

MESSENGER enters, huffing and puffing

KING Well speak messenger!

MESSENGER My lord high King, I report that from the Spartan front. The battle has been lost.

KING Pause. This is bad news ….Oh well, Kill the messenger.

SERVANT shouting. Kill the messenger!

MESSENGER Loud to make sure everything realises he hasn’t finished, and then starts making it up. BUT….This is only one battle of many..Lose the battle but …win the war…

KING Right…go on…

MESSENGER In our defeat we have lost 20,000 men

KING That is truly bad news…Kill the messenger

SERVANT shouting. Kill the messenger!

MESSENGER SO BECAUSE OF THIS! Making it up …That means less rations and less uniforms will be needed… for our light-weight, spacially efficient, easy to manage, and easy to hide…army…

KING Thinking. Hmmm…

MESSENGER Also General Maximus, high commander of our forces has been slain.

KING Kill the messenger

SERVANT Kill the messenger!

MESSENGER Which means our army is now a democracy, everyones equal. Human rights...yeah...reading again> Now the Spartan Army is currently pursuing our remaining unlead forces back through Greece.

KING Kill the messenger

SERVANT shouting. Kill the...

MESSENGER . I hadnt finished....And we are proud to say that we are being chased....better to be pursued than to be the chaser..we've got hand. Right ladies? Looking around for support

KING On the fence….Anything else?

MESSENGER Reading and getting worried. The Enormous Spartan army is marching to crush Athens as we speak, pause but realises that this is bad. SO! So we wont have to go find them, they will come to us…here….so we can just chill out...easy...senses people aren’t totally convinced….So to summarise …its all good....more cost efficient army…highly desirable...democracy and stuff…we wait here…they come to us…glass is half full…silver lining…and…all…that

KING So….Good news?

MESSENGER Definitely. We are looking tip-top.

KING Alright. Good news. Orgie Time.

SERVANT ORGIE TIME!